8 Things I do When my Husband is Away

My husband is out of town for a conference-in Tokyo. I hate him. Not really, but he better bring me back something better than bottle panties. Yes, I said bottle panties, apparently all the rage in Japan right now.

Anyway, he has been out of town a lot over the last 6 months and it got me thinking, I do a few things that are a bit out of the ordinary for my everyday schedule when he is gone...so here is my list, even if it is  a little lame.

I don't hog the bed. Shockingly. I know most people starfish when their partner is gone, but me, most of the reason I'm all over the bed is to smother cuddle him-so when he isn't here...no reason for me to be over there. Makes making the bed incredibly easy!

Binge watch Netflix/my fave shows from Amazon or iTunes.. Bad. I do this once in a blue moon when he is in town, but when he isn't here it is really bad. I'm in the middle of Season 1 of Suits now and will soon move on to Royal.

Spend at least one full day in my pajamas. I have a pretty strict routine when he's here of get everyone out the door, workout, shower dress, clean, go do something outside, come home cook dinner, etc. When he isn't here though there is always that one glorious day I never get out of my pajamas. Such a treat.

I don't cook or eat any meat. My husband is a carnivore, teenager and I are herbivores. So, when he isn't here we don't eat any meat, makes for cleaning the kitchen much quicker!

We also eat a shitton of leftovers. My husband is one of those weird individuals that hates leftovers. I don't get it. Do you know one of these people?

Aimlessly wander. We don't do this much when the husband is here because he hates just walking, he wants to have a destination. So we often just go downtown and wander around and sit by canals until the sun sets. Then we usually get dessert.

See every movie in the theaters. We don't like to leave the hubby home alone much so when he isn't here, even if it is a bad movie we go and see it. We probably go to the theater once every other day when he isn't here. We have a monthly unlimited pass, so we really make use out of it.

Go to bed early every.single.night. My husband is a night owl, I am not. Plain and simple. We compromise when he's home I go to be early a few nights a week, stay up later a couple nights, and on Saturday I am always up later because that is our night out usually. But when he isn't here by the time he gets home I am so well rested he gets a full week of my company in his night owl ways.

Do you do anything silly or out of the ordinary when your significant other is away? These don't seem like much, but they sure are fun!

Sixteen things I have learned in 16 years of Marriage

This past June my husband and I celebrated sixteen years of marriage-16! I can't even believe it, honestly. I wrote this post months ago, but am just now getting around to publishing it...so, here goes...

I thought I'd honor this milestone by creating a list of all the things I've learned in the last 16 years...these aren't solely from our marriage. These are also tidbits I've picked up from others' marriages because I see when something works.

1. Fight fair. This means, if you are arguing with your partner don't bring up an incident that happened last week, last month, last year, or 10 years ago. Only deal with the argument at hand. Past arguments should have already been resolved. If you have issues with past arguments write them down and come back to them later, but those should have already been resolved so you can focus on the disagreement at hand.
2. Communicate. I mean really communicate. Talk about everything. I am a talker, when my husband gets home I will chat his ear off from here to next week about what I did that day...I expect the same in return. This sort of communication allows each partner to get stressors off their chest, bounce ideas around for a problem you might be facing, or just vent or revel in the day. But, this also goes deeper and can head off any arguments that might be looming because if your partner does something to upset you you'll be more likely to speak the truth right then and there. It may hurt at first but at least you are being honest.
3. Listen. This should be part of communicate, but I felt it needed to be listed separately. Talking is great, but if you or your partner isn't listening in return it will never work. Put your phones down, walk away from the computer; make eye contact and really listen to one another when you are talking.
4. Know your partner's love language. I show love and expect love in a completely different way from my husband. I am an acts of service so someone taking out the trash or doing the dishes means the world to me, but my husband, he likes little gifts; like if I surprise him with his favorite snack or a new game I know he's been wanting. For years we'd been showing each other love the way we wanted to be loved instead of tuning in to what the other person wanted. This has done wonders for our relationship.
5. Marriage is hard. You are always working at your relationship, this never stops, but it should be enjoyable.
6. Marriage is fun. Marriage may be hard because it takes constant work, but you get to live your whole life with the person of your choosing. You get to mold your world with this one person, it is the most fantastic time of your life...thank goodness it lasts that long!
7. Apologize. If you were wrong, apologize it. If you were right, accept that apology gracefully and don't rub it in the other person's face. Be mature and remember to fight fair.
8. Have a sense of humor. Having a sense of humor will get you through the tough times, and if you have a husband like mine it will prevent you from taking all his ribbing seriously!
9. Tell your partner when you are proud of them. Whether it is work related, doing something around the house, or just being an awesome human being make sure they know you are proud of them.
10. Have confidence. Confidence is sexy, and when you don't have it and accuse your spouse of stuff you only drive them away. They are with you because they love you, accusing them of things will only drive them away.
11. Have a scheduled cuddle session at least once a day. We cuddle for a good 15 minutes in the morning before we start our day. We told some friends this the other day and I think they thought we were kidding. We started this about 3 or 4 years ago and it has made such a difference in how we connect. Plus, it is a nice way to wake up.
12. Never stop dating. Once a week, once every other week, basically however you can squeeze it in make sure you get dressed nicely and go out, one on one, no kids, just the two of you-maybe some friends every now and again-and connect with out distractions. We've been doing this since 2004 and it really turned our marriage around. Sometimes we stay home and make a romantic dinner or dessert and watch a movie, but we try our hardest to get out of the house. Just makes it more special.
13. Kiss your partner. A lot. It reminds you of when you dated, plus it is relaxing and can instantly put a smile on your face. So, remember to kiss.
14. Tell your partner you love them. I never let my husband leave the house without telling him I love him. I want him to go out in to the world knowing I love him and I will look forward to him coming back home. 
15. Never talk ill of your partner to others. You may now commence eye rolling, but I am actually serious. It is one thing to vent to your mom or best friend about how your husband forgot to take out the trash-again...but doing nothing but talking about his faults to your girlfriends will paint a bad picture of him. If your partner is just really ticking you off-TELL THEM! Communicating is the entire basis of a marriage if you just complain that won't take care of anything.
16. Finally, give each other some space. It is ok to have a girls night. It is ok to go to a museum while your partner stays home to play video games. You don't always have to do everything together. In fact, being yourselves and doing what you want can actually enhance your marriage and gives you more to talk about. 

I'm not saying these will work for every marriage but these are a few of the things I have discovered work for us. What is your best tip for a happy relationship?

How I Met My Husband

This week my husband and I are coming up on 16 years of marriage. 16!!! I am only 34, going on 35 later this year..hard to believe that in a few years I will have lived with him longer than I lived with my own parents! Shocking right?!

Well, in honour of this momentous occasion I thought I would do a series of posts detailing our story.

Today, the first day...I will tell you how we met.

It is a bit of a funny story actually. 

I went to one high school, my boyfriend at the time went to a rival high school.

My boyfriend at the time had been a very good friend previous to us deciding to date. After deciding to date he at some point asked me to his school's prom and of course said I would go. Well, prior to prom we actually broke up-it was totally mutual-and being good friends and a mutual break up we still went to his prom together.

Upon arriving at dinner after trying not to stab him with a pin for the corsage there was a guy in the corner in a baby blue, oh yes, you heard me right baby blue suit. All I could think of was "who the hell is the nerd in the terrible '70's-esque wedding tux." I mean I really cannot tell you how terrible this thing was. I wish I had a photo of him in it...seriously. 

As we were all finishing up dinner getting ready to head to the prom I discovered he had a top hat and cane..wtf. I looked at my date and was like you know the wierdest freaking people.

Moving on...summer arrives and blue tux weirdo is working the same summer camp as me. ...and being the lucky girl I was he followed me around most of the summer asking me out. He wasn't as lucky as I was {insert sarcastic eye roll here}.

Move on to that winter he is home from college and I am Christmas shopping at our local mall and see him. Seriously everywhere I freaking turned he was there...I didn't realize who he was at the time though because so many months had gone by and honestly I'd sort of forgotten I just knew his face was super familiar.

Fast forward to the following August I am at college, he shows up. I am like holy crud, I cannot escape this guy! He asked me out-again-and I said sure, because ya know, why not? It was the worst.date.ever. Seriously awful. I didn't see him again for months.

Until Christmas. I picked up one of my friends that was still in high school to take her Christmas shopping, I'm at the ATM and I hear a whistle. Being slightly annoyed I turn around and all I said was "YOU!" ...yeah, he asked me out AGAIN. I have no idea why, I mean our first date was horrific...and I have no idea why I actually agreed to try again, but I did...and well, the rest is on the books ;)

Our first dance as husband and wife...

Ahhh, first dance as husband and wife. I wrote a couple of months ago about an experience I had when I was first married, so I thought this week I would share with you a little something about our wedding. When we got married, I was 18, the hubby was 20; It was 1999, there was a lot of good music to choose from. We knew we wanted something from our decade as I was a music junkie enjoying our local station that often played rap/hiphop AND alternative rock. So, I had a varied music taste, hubby listened to Jim Rome...his favorite songs at the time were No Scrubs and No Pigeons. You see what I was up against here.

We knew we wanted something that would be easy to dance to as we didn't have the extra cash for dance lessons and I wasn't up for teaching him ballroom, I mostly only knew Swing at the time, so an easy to move to song was a necessity. We also wanted it to be something that really felt like us and that we would be proud to have our children listen to.

So...this was our song...
At the time, being only 18 and 20 I don't think we realized how true this would wind up being to our relationship. Our lives hadn't been that long. We are coming up on celebrating 16 years in June, 3 years away from being together longer than we ever were apart for me, 5 years for him.  We will often turn the song on and just dance to reconnect if we've had a particularly busy week or month. Our daughter loves to listen to it because it is quiet and comforting.  All my life I waited for someone to go on an adventure with and I found him. I was one of the lucky few who found that person early in life and grew with him, and we grow closer all the time. Love truly is a powerful thing that I am so lucky to have found, and have had it for so long. As a funny, here are a few pictures from my wedding day...

A few grey hairs and dye jobs later here we are thousands of miles from where we started. 

D is for....Diary

I know what you are thinking...diary? Diary? Who the heck keeps a diary any more?! Well, I do...

This whole blog, given it's name is a diary of sorts...I am always telling y'all what I'm planning for the week, what sort of projects I'm doing, and where we are goin'! But, I also keep a few other diaries and encourage my teenager to as well.

Writing, can be very therapeutic...it allows you to get out your thoughts and feelings privately. I know for me, I over react about EVERYTHING so keeping a written journal allows me to get out what I am currently feeling and evaluate if I am misinterpreting the situation or if it is indeed something I need to bring up with the offending individual. It also allows me to record exciting events and read back on them later, as time goes on those events may fade in my mind but I am almost always glad I wrote them down. It is also a place when we have a big decision to make I can take a few days and write about it and see where my feelings take me, that usually helps to make decisions.

I also keep a separate dream diary. I keep the separate because believe it or not I have woken up and written in it during the night and not have remembered doing it when I wake up..I don't usually find out until a morning or two or three later when I go to record a dream. It doesn't happen often, but my writing is usually not the neatest as I am usually in a hurry, or not really awake it some cases so I like to keep the separate from my regular diary.

The final diary I keep is a gratitude journal with my husband. We started it over last thanksgiving and still use it. 

I find it helps us to focus on the positive in one another, especially during stressful times when he is working long hours, or I am PMS'ing (haha). I feel like this is a bit of our own romance novel and we get a small peek in to what the other is thinking.

Do you keep a diary of any sort?

Compassion in the right place, at the right time #1000Speak

Compassion is something I have been thinking of a lot lately. This particular venture of #1000Speak has made it more prevalent in my mind, but my daughter goes to a school where many of the teachers tend to lack compassion for their students, this disturbs me. However, hearing how many of these teachers deal with students from my own child and other children and parents got me thinking about the times people have shown compassion to me in my life.

I have a story, it is a very personal story. It is about an event at the beginning of my marriage, of really my life as I will come to know it, where the compassion comes from two different sources. Part comes from my fabulous parents, the other from people who are total complete and utter strangers whom I feel were put at this exact spot, at this exact time just for me. Many of you have never heard this story, even if you are very close to me. I have kept this even somewhat secret mostly because once my mother reads this she will probably call and yell at me, but it is an event that occurred 15 years ago and I had to use instinct to determine if it was an okay situation to put myself in....so, enough with the mystery...read on.

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My husband and I were married when I was 18, he was 20. Fast forward, we have our daughter and in March of 2000 he gets stationed temporarily in California, not anywhere amazing like LA or San Diego, but Lompoc. Yes folks, Lompoc, California. Most of you probably don't even know where in the hell that is, nor should you. I didn't...and honestly, I didn't care.

Having spent 19 years of my life in the great state of Florida with little major traveling I was anxious to get out. I had always had a bit of wanderlust since Geography in the 7th grade and I knew that one day I would leave Florida and move to another part of the continent if not the world-I know, my poor mother.

So, as soon as this station happened I knew I wanted to go. This was for school for him so technically I wasn't "allowed" so we used our tax return to make the move and supplement our income. I knew I probably should have stayed back in Jacksonville, my home town, but I didn't know where the next station would take us. My entire life I had dreamed of seeing California, going to Disneyland, seeing many of the things I had seen on television and in magazines that had got my imagination going. So, come hell or high water, I.Was.Going.

My mom, she was sad. Not only had I married, moved out, and had a baby really young, but now I was literally moving across the country. But, she is a big person and even said her and my dad were really proud that they had raised children who weren't afraid to strike out on their own and make their dreams come true. So, mom showed me how to woman up and really helped me get ready. She helped me move out of my apartment, stored all of our household goods, and got me organized and ready to travel by train across the great US with a 4 month old.

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So, lets recap. I'm 19, not even married a year, have a 4 month old, traveling by train to California.

My mother really did it up for me and the kiddo. She bought me a nice carry on bag, she bought me plenty of formula, lots of bottled water, baby food, and tons of my favorite snacks and juice boxes (don't laugh, I was still 19 ;)). This was incredibly kind and is something I have never forgotten.

Once we are on the train (mind you I had to kick my father off haha), we traveled and I actually ran into a girl I went to high school with who had left years before. So funny where life brings you, so we traveled together until Texas. I then met a nice older couple that I had breakfast and dinner with whose story was somewhat similar to mine. She kept telling me what an adventure my life would be...she was right ;)

After arriving in Los Angeles, we were 8 hours behind schedule. This older couple helped me load my luggage and the gentleman ran ahead to let the next train know I was on my way over and not to pull out, I load up on that train and a couple of hours later get off at the Lompoc train stop.

I step out and I see behind me Pacific Ocean and in front of me...CORNFIELDS!!! The first serious WTF moment of my life. So, I start to load up on the bus to go into town and am told it is full and I need to call a cab. Stress level rising.

I go to the pay phone (it is 2000 people) and the cord to the phone is cut.

So, to recap I am in the middle of freaking no where, the last bus of the day to town is full and I can't call anyone. Oh yeah, and I have a 4 month old!

I start looking around quite panicked begging the bus driver to let me on or come back or give me a phone when a nice little old lady walks over and asks me what is wrong. I am half sobbing half yelling because I have no idea what I am going to do. All I could think of is what sort of mess have I managed to get myself in to.

So she takes me by the shoulders and brings me to meet her husband, they calm me down, get my story and tell me a bit about themselves. They were there because apparently, this was the best place in the city to see the sunset. After a bit they offered to take me to the base-my end destination.

The 80's child in me freaked. Millions of missing child posters flashed before my eyes; runaway train played through my head. All I could imagine is my mother screaming and yelling at me, but I was sort of out of options. Unless some other people with a cell phone or a taxi just happened to come out to see the ocean after the sunset I was going to sit at that train depot (with no attendant this was tracks and a platform, and a broken payphone) outside in the middle of cornfields by myself all night. So, I explained how hesitant I was. They understood and had a cell phone they said I could call a taxi or to save some money I could hold on to their cell phone while they drove me to the base. I called a phone number to make sure the phone worked and graciously took their sweet offer to drive me to the base. After talking with them for nearly an hour I felt no fear, no bad vibes.

Off we went and they gave me a tour of the area around the base and when we pulled up turns out this guy was well known on the base they let us on through and he dropped us right in front of the dormitory my husband was living in and let me use the phone to call inside and let him know I was there.

I was such a mess, those people did not have to help me, but they did. I have always remember the love and compassion I felt that day. The only thing they wanted in return was for me to pay it forward someday. I still haven't done my pay it forward deed, but someday it will come and I know I will know that moment, until they I try to be compassionate to everyone I meet and know they are fighting some sort of battle and know a little compassion can go a long way to help them through their tough times.

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