Sixteen things I have learned in 16 years of Marriage

This past June my husband and I celebrated sixteen years of marriage-16! I can't even believe it, honestly. I wrote this post months ago, but am just now getting around to publishing it...so, here goes...

I thought I'd honor this milestone by creating a list of all the things I've learned in the last 16 years...these aren't solely from our marriage. These are also tidbits I've picked up from others' marriages because I see when something works.

1. Fight fair. This means, if you are arguing with your partner don't bring up an incident that happened last week, last month, last year, or 10 years ago. Only deal with the argument at hand. Past arguments should have already been resolved. If you have issues with past arguments write them down and come back to them later, but those should have already been resolved so you can focus on the disagreement at hand.
2. Communicate. I mean really communicate. Talk about everything. I am a talker, when my husband gets home I will chat his ear off from here to next week about what I did that day...I expect the same in return. This sort of communication allows each partner to get stressors off their chest, bounce ideas around for a problem you might be facing, or just vent or revel in the day. But, this also goes deeper and can head off any arguments that might be looming because if your partner does something to upset you you'll be more likely to speak the truth right then and there. It may hurt at first but at least you are being honest.
3. Listen. This should be part of communicate, but I felt it needed to be listed separately. Talking is great, but if you or your partner isn't listening in return it will never work. Put your phones down, walk away from the computer; make eye contact and really listen to one another when you are talking.
4. Know your partner's love language. I show love and expect love in a completely different way from my husband. I am an acts of service so someone taking out the trash or doing the dishes means the world to me, but my husband, he likes little gifts; like if I surprise him with his favorite snack or a new game I know he's been wanting. For years we'd been showing each other love the way we wanted to be loved instead of tuning in to what the other person wanted. This has done wonders for our relationship.
5. Marriage is hard. You are always working at your relationship, this never stops, but it should be enjoyable.
6. Marriage is fun. Marriage may be hard because it takes constant work, but you get to live your whole life with the person of your choosing. You get to mold your world with this one person, it is the most fantastic time of your life...thank goodness it lasts that long!
7. Apologize. If you were wrong, apologize it. If you were right, accept that apology gracefully and don't rub it in the other person's face. Be mature and remember to fight fair.
8. Have a sense of humor. Having a sense of humor will get you through the tough times, and if you have a husband like mine it will prevent you from taking all his ribbing seriously!
9. Tell your partner when you are proud of them. Whether it is work related, doing something around the house, or just being an awesome human being make sure they know you are proud of them.
10. Have confidence. Confidence is sexy, and when you don't have it and accuse your spouse of stuff you only drive them away. They are with you because they love you, accusing them of things will only drive them away.
11. Have a scheduled cuddle session at least once a day. We cuddle for a good 15 minutes in the morning before we start our day. We told some friends this the other day and I think they thought we were kidding. We started this about 3 or 4 years ago and it has made such a difference in how we connect. Plus, it is a nice way to wake up.
12. Never stop dating. Once a week, once every other week, basically however you can squeeze it in make sure you get dressed nicely and go out, one on one, no kids, just the two of you-maybe some friends every now and again-and connect with out distractions. We've been doing this since 2004 and it really turned our marriage around. Sometimes we stay home and make a romantic dinner or dessert and watch a movie, but we try our hardest to get out of the house. Just makes it more special.
13. Kiss your partner. A lot. It reminds you of when you dated, plus it is relaxing and can instantly put a smile on your face. So, remember to kiss.
14. Tell your partner you love them. I never let my husband leave the house without telling him I love him. I want him to go out in to the world knowing I love him and I will look forward to him coming back home. 
15. Never talk ill of your partner to others. You may now commence eye rolling, but I am actually serious. It is one thing to vent to your mom or best friend about how your husband forgot to take out the trash-again...but doing nothing but talking about his faults to your girlfriends will paint a bad picture of him. If your partner is just really ticking you off-TELL THEM! Communicating is the entire basis of a marriage if you just complain that won't take care of anything.
16. Finally, give each other some space. It is ok to have a girls night. It is ok to go to a museum while your partner stays home to play video games. You don't always have to do everything together. In fact, being yourselves and doing what you want can actually enhance your marriage and gives you more to talk about. 

I'm not saying these will work for every marriage but these are a few of the things I have discovered work for us. What is your best tip for a happy relationship?

How I Met My Husband

This week my husband and I are coming up on 16 years of marriage. 16!!! I am only 34, going on 35 later this year..hard to believe that in a few years I will have lived with him longer than I lived with my own parents! Shocking right?!

Well, in honour of this momentous occasion I thought I would do a series of posts detailing our story.

Today, the first day...I will tell you how we met.

It is a bit of a funny story actually. 

I went to one high school, my boyfriend at the time went to a rival high school.

My boyfriend at the time had been a very good friend previous to us deciding to date. After deciding to date he at some point asked me to his school's prom and of course said I would go. Well, prior to prom we actually broke up-it was totally mutual-and being good friends and a mutual break up we still went to his prom together.

Upon arriving at dinner after trying not to stab him with a pin for the corsage there was a guy in the corner in a baby blue, oh yes, you heard me right baby blue suit. All I could think of was "who the hell is the nerd in the terrible '70's-esque wedding tux." I mean I really cannot tell you how terrible this thing was. I wish I had a photo of him in it...seriously. 

As we were all finishing up dinner getting ready to head to the prom I discovered he had a top hat and cane..wtf. I looked at my date and was like you know the wierdest freaking people.

Moving on...summer arrives and blue tux weirdo is working the same summer camp as me. ...and being the lucky girl I was he followed me around most of the summer asking me out. He wasn't as lucky as I was {insert sarcastic eye roll here}.

Move on to that winter he is home from college and I am Christmas shopping at our local mall and see him. Seriously everywhere I freaking turned he was there...I didn't realize who he was at the time though because so many months had gone by and honestly I'd sort of forgotten I just knew his face was super familiar.

Fast forward to the following August I am at college, he shows up. I am like holy crud, I cannot escape this guy! He asked me out-again-and I said sure, because ya know, why not? It was the worst.date.ever. Seriously awful. I didn't see him again for months.

Until Christmas. I picked up one of my friends that was still in high school to take her Christmas shopping, I'm at the ATM and I hear a whistle. Being slightly annoyed I turn around and all I said was "YOU!" ...yeah, he asked me out AGAIN. I have no idea why, I mean our first date was horrific...and I have no idea why I actually agreed to try again, but I did...and well, the rest is on the books ;)

Compassion in the right place, at the right time #1000Speak

Compassion is something I have been thinking of a lot lately. This particular venture of #1000Speak has made it more prevalent in my mind, but my daughter goes to a school where many of the teachers tend to lack compassion for their students, this disturbs me. However, hearing how many of these teachers deal with students from my own child and other children and parents got me thinking about the times people have shown compassion to me in my life.

I have a story, it is a very personal story. It is about an event at the beginning of my marriage, of really my life as I will come to know it, where the compassion comes from two different sources. Part comes from my fabulous parents, the other from people who are total complete and utter strangers whom I feel were put at this exact spot, at this exact time just for me. Many of you have never heard this story, even if you are very close to me. I have kept this even somewhat secret mostly because once my mother reads this she will probably call and yell at me, but it is an event that occurred 15 years ago and I had to use instinct to determine if it was an okay situation to put myself in....so, enough with the mystery...read on.

Click here for more info!

My husband and I were married when I was 18, he was 20. Fast forward, we have our daughter and in March of 2000 he gets stationed temporarily in California, not anywhere amazing like LA or San Diego, but Lompoc. Yes folks, Lompoc, California. Most of you probably don't even know where in the hell that is, nor should you. I didn't...and honestly, I didn't care.

Having spent 19 years of my life in the great state of Florida with little major traveling I was anxious to get out. I had always had a bit of wanderlust since Geography in the 7th grade and I knew that one day I would leave Florida and move to another part of the continent if not the world-I know, my poor mother.

So, as soon as this station happened I knew I wanted to go. This was for school for him so technically I wasn't "allowed" so we used our tax return to make the move and supplement our income. I knew I probably should have stayed back in Jacksonville, my home town, but I didn't know where the next station would take us. My entire life I had dreamed of seeing California, going to Disneyland, seeing many of the things I had seen on television and in magazines that had got my imagination going. So, come hell or high water, I.Was.Going.

My mom, she was sad. Not only had I married, moved out, and had a baby really young, but now I was literally moving across the country. But, she is a big person and even said her and my dad were really proud that they had raised children who weren't afraid to strike out on their own and make their dreams come true. So, mom showed me how to woman up and really helped me get ready. She helped me move out of my apartment, stored all of our household goods, and got me organized and ready to travel by train across the great US with a 4 month old.

Tweet #1000Speak


So, lets recap. I'm 19, not even married a year, have a 4 month old, traveling by train to California.

My mother really did it up for me and the kiddo. She bought me a nice carry on bag, she bought me plenty of formula, lots of bottled water, baby food, and tons of my favorite snacks and juice boxes (don't laugh, I was still 19 ;)). This was incredibly kind and is something I have never forgotten.

Once we are on the train (mind you I had to kick my father off haha), we traveled and I actually ran into a girl I went to high school with who had left years before. So funny where life brings you, so we traveled together until Texas. I then met a nice older couple that I had breakfast and dinner with whose story was somewhat similar to mine. She kept telling me what an adventure my life would be...she was right ;)

After arriving in Los Angeles, we were 8 hours behind schedule. This older couple helped me load my luggage and the gentleman ran ahead to let the next train know I was on my way over and not to pull out, I load up on that train and a couple of hours later get off at the Lompoc train stop.

I step out and I see behind me Pacific Ocean and in front of me...CORNFIELDS!!! The first serious WTF moment of my life. So, I start to load up on the bus to go into town and am told it is full and I need to call a cab. Stress level rising.

I go to the pay phone (it is 2000 people) and the cord to the phone is cut.

So, to recap I am in the middle of freaking no where, the last bus of the day to town is full and I can't call anyone. Oh yeah, and I have a 4 month old!

I start looking around quite panicked begging the bus driver to let me on or come back or give me a phone when a nice little old lady walks over and asks me what is wrong. I am half sobbing half yelling because I have no idea what I am going to do. All I could think of is what sort of mess have I managed to get myself in to.

So she takes me by the shoulders and brings me to meet her husband, they calm me down, get my story and tell me a bit about themselves. They were there because apparently, this was the best place in the city to see the sunset. After a bit they offered to take me to the base-my end destination.

The 80's child in me freaked. Millions of missing child posters flashed before my eyes; runaway train played through my head. All I could imagine is my mother screaming and yelling at me, but I was sort of out of options. Unless some other people with a cell phone or a taxi just happened to come out to see the ocean after the sunset I was going to sit at that train depot (with no attendant this was tracks and a platform, and a broken payphone) outside in the middle of cornfields by myself all night. So, I explained how hesitant I was. They understood and had a cell phone they said I could call a taxi or to save some money I could hold on to their cell phone while they drove me to the base. I called a phone number to make sure the phone worked and graciously took their sweet offer to drive me to the base. After talking with them for nearly an hour I felt no fear, no bad vibes.

Off we went and they gave me a tour of the area around the base and when we pulled up turns out this guy was well known on the base they let us on through and he dropped us right in front of the dormitory my husband was living in and let me use the phone to call inside and let him know I was there.

I was such a mess, those people did not have to help me, but they did. I have always remember the love and compassion I felt that day. The only thing they wanted in return was for me to pay it forward someday. I still haven't done my pay it forward deed, but someday it will come and I know I will know that moment, until they I try to be compassionate to everyone I meet and know they are fighting some sort of battle and know a little compassion can go a long way to help them through their tough times.

Tweet #1000Speak

September Blog Challenge: Favourite Photo

Whew! Fairly busy day yesterday (unexpectedly when our cheer carpool let us know they weren't in the country lol), so I didn't get around to writing today's post! Well, here I am now, getting it done. My favourite photo this is going to be a tough one since I love pictures and have a TON!  Seriously, the amount of pictures I take is a little excessive. I have tried to tone it down in recent years, but with digital pictures I seem to be worse than ever lol But, here we go...

I'm going to go with a more recent photo. This isn't necessarily my favourite photo of all time, but my recently most favourite photo is this one:

It is from us kayaking over the summer (obviously given the paddle in the back lol). We were having a great time and we were trying to get a "selfie" of us together while getting some of the scenery in the background. I think it really embodies the two of us and just how goofy we are! :P

Here is another favourite:

I know I showed this one earlier in this same series, but it's the first photo of our little family and is so sweet! :) <3 p="">

I have others, but sadly they aren't digital lol Gosh, sometimes I think I sound so old! hahaha

September Challenge: My best piece of advice

Today's prompt is my best piece of advice. I honestly don't really know what the best piece of advice I have to give could be. Actually, after a few minutes of thinking it through I do have a good piece of advice: Learn to Communicate. Communication is so important in life. Every relationship you have whether it be with a parent, significant other, child, boss, co-worker is based on communication. When communication ceases or there is a kink in the communication hose, these relationships cannot thrive. Learning to communicate is not easy. It takes a lot of time and effort, but in the end is so rewarding when you have a close relationship with those you love.

What is your best piece of advice, or best piece of advice you've ever received?

How we made Father's Day special...

Since I have had the luxury of being a housewife for now the second year in a row I've been trying to make as big a deal of-even the littler-holidays as possible. Father's Day was even more special this year because our daughter was really into it as well.

The first thing he saw when he woke up was this:

The printable can be found here.

It's a list of all kinds of things she likes about her dad or how she feels about things, memories, etc. it's so cute and a great way to see how her answers change throughout the years. It's definitely a keepsake. I put it under his phone before he woke up so it was the first thing he saw in the morning. My favorite one is the first one, "My Dad is funny because he teases Mom." That about sums up this family. Good thing I have a thick skin ;)

On Saturday we traipsed over to the dollar store and picked up a bunch of balloons.

She had just take a pic for instagram of one of the balloons. As you can see these weren't the ones we wound up getting but she dragged those all over the store incase they didn't have anymore of the gold and blue balloons that were in this bouquet, she was determined to get them.

Being a goober in the elevator. You can see hubby's frosty float I am carrying there lol

We then created a very meaningful bouquet. I put them in the hallway of our bedroom so this was the 2nd thing he saw when he woke up:

Each balloon meant a little something: black and gold for our university. We are still huge fans so the teen knew he'd love those. The blue because its her dads favorite color. An "it's your day" one because we were celebrating him as an awesome dad. Finally, a pink heart because she loves him so much! 

Then, we cut out sheets of paper and we each wrote down a memory or a reason why we love him/think he's a great dad. We then tied each of ours to the bottom of each balloon. 

We then surprised him with chocolate milk and a cinnamon coffee cake. It was delicious!

After that we just relaxed around the house and didn't bother him while he played Last of Us. Once the kiddo got home from cheer practice we took him to his favorite steak house for a very manly steak and then to see Man of Steel.

It was a very eventful day with tons of memories.

How did you celebrate your dad or your kid(s) dad?

Meal & Fitness Planning

So, I've already talked to everyone about monthly meal planning. This is key to fitness, I think. Since after all abs are made in the kitchen! So, here is my monthly meal plan for April:

So, in my house my husband is a very, very, very picky eater! So, I often have to cook the same meal but a "regular" version for hubby and a "healthy" version for me and our daughter. I'll break that down a bit more on Sunday when I do my weekly meal plan with recipes.

Now, meal planning isn't the only important planning you should do for a month. It is important to plan your workouts. Whether you do it for a week at a time or a month at a time you should have a plan! I learned this when doing P90X and Insanity. Here is my workout schedule for the month of April:

Now, it just so happens I am actually restarting Insanity this week along with training for a half marathon. A workout schedule this rigorous is not for everyone. Please consult a physician before starting any sort of workout regimen. I have one down day during the week where I will be doing cardio recovery (which is a yoga-ish workout, not very intense) and running a fast hill run by our house. Sunday's are my off day. I can choose to do nothing on this day but, I typically don't because I usually need a good stretch after six days of hardcore workouts. So, Sunday's I will either go to the local Lulu Lemon to take them up on their free yoga offerings or I will get out the P90X stretch DVD and stretch my little heart out. There are also a lot of stretching video's on YouTube, just remember to stretch to keep your joints limber!

How to fit in a workout? Do you often find yourself saying you can't workout because you don't have time? Well, it is time to put the excuses to bed. Think about how many hours you spend watching TV a night, how many hours do you spend reading a night, how many hours do you spend having your evening wine? Well, if you took just one of those hours you could get in a workout. Or how many hours do you wake up before having to go to school/work/get the kids ready for the day and just whittle the time away drinking coffee and talking on the phone??? That is the time you could fit in a workout. The bottom line is if it means a lot to you you will figure out how to fit it in. For me it is extremely important. I took this last week off and I have been exhausted and not feeling well. But, when I do workout I have tons of energy, I get more done during the day, and am overall much more alert. 

So, what is your favorite workout? Mine is a run on a hot, hot day!!! 

Happy Spring

I know I am about two days late but I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Spring! I know we are exited to get some beautiful weather up here!! It's been sunny until very late the last couple of days, then today when out running errands we saw these beautiful daffodils blooming! I can't wait for warmer weather! Until then I am still enjoying the comfort of my Uggs! ;)

How is spring coming along where you are? What are you most looking forward to doing when the weather warms up?