Sixteen things I have learned in 16 years of Marriage

This past June my husband and I celebrated sixteen years of marriage-16! I can't even believe it, honestly. I wrote this post months ago, but am just now getting around to publishing it...so, here goes...

I thought I'd honor this milestone by creating a list of all the things I've learned in the last 16 years...these aren't solely from our marriage. These are also tidbits I've picked up from others' marriages because I see when something works.

1. Fight fair. This means, if you are arguing with your partner don't bring up an incident that happened last week, last month, last year, or 10 years ago. Only deal with the argument at hand. Past arguments should have already been resolved. If you have issues with past arguments write them down and come back to them later, but those should have already been resolved so you can focus on the disagreement at hand.
2. Communicate. I mean really communicate. Talk about everything. I am a talker, when my husband gets home I will chat his ear off from here to next week about what I did that day...I expect the same in return. This sort of communication allows each partner to get stressors off their chest, bounce ideas around for a problem you might be facing, or just vent or revel in the day. But, this also goes deeper and can head off any arguments that might be looming because if your partner does something to upset you you'll be more likely to speak the truth right then and there. It may hurt at first but at least you are being honest.
3. Listen. This should be part of communicate, but I felt it needed to be listed separately. Talking is great, but if you or your partner isn't listening in return it will never work. Put your phones down, walk away from the computer; make eye contact and really listen to one another when you are talking.
4. Know your partner's love language. I show love and expect love in a completely different way from my husband. I am an acts of service so someone taking out the trash or doing the dishes means the world to me, but my husband, he likes little gifts; like if I surprise him with his favorite snack or a new game I know he's been wanting. For years we'd been showing each other love the way we wanted to be loved instead of tuning in to what the other person wanted. This has done wonders for our relationship.
5. Marriage is hard. You are always working at your relationship, this never stops, but it should be enjoyable.
6. Marriage is fun. Marriage may be hard because it takes constant work, but you get to live your whole life with the person of your choosing. You get to mold your world with this one person, it is the most fantastic time of your life...thank goodness it lasts that long!
7. Apologize. If you were wrong, apologize it. If you were right, accept that apology gracefully and don't rub it in the other person's face. Be mature and remember to fight fair.
8. Have a sense of humor. Having a sense of humor will get you through the tough times, and if you have a husband like mine it will prevent you from taking all his ribbing seriously!
9. Tell your partner when you are proud of them. Whether it is work related, doing something around the house, or just being an awesome human being make sure they know you are proud of them.
10. Have confidence. Confidence is sexy, and when you don't have it and accuse your spouse of stuff you only drive them away. They are with you because they love you, accusing them of things will only drive them away.
11. Have a scheduled cuddle session at least once a day. We cuddle for a good 15 minutes in the morning before we start our day. We told some friends this the other day and I think they thought we were kidding. We started this about 3 or 4 years ago and it has made such a difference in how we connect. Plus, it is a nice way to wake up.
12. Never stop dating. Once a week, once every other week, basically however you can squeeze it in make sure you get dressed nicely and go out, one on one, no kids, just the two of you-maybe some friends every now and again-and connect with out distractions. We've been doing this since 2004 and it really turned our marriage around. Sometimes we stay home and make a romantic dinner or dessert and watch a movie, but we try our hardest to get out of the house. Just makes it more special.
13. Kiss your partner. A lot. It reminds you of when you dated, plus it is relaxing and can instantly put a smile on your face. So, remember to kiss.
14. Tell your partner you love them. I never let my husband leave the house without telling him I love him. I want him to go out in to the world knowing I love him and I will look forward to him coming back home. 
15. Never talk ill of your partner to others. You may now commence eye rolling, but I am actually serious. It is one thing to vent to your mom or best friend about how your husband forgot to take out the trash-again...but doing nothing but talking about his faults to your girlfriends will paint a bad picture of him. If your partner is just really ticking you off-TELL THEM! Communicating is the entire basis of a marriage if you just complain that won't take care of anything.
16. Finally, give each other some space. It is ok to have a girls night. It is ok to go to a museum while your partner stays home to play video games. You don't always have to do everything together. In fact, being yourselves and doing what you want can actually enhance your marriage and gives you more to talk about. 

I'm not saying these will work for every marriage but these are a few of the things I have discovered work for us. What is your best tip for a happy relationship?

A Day at the Beach in Holland, Part 3

Now, as I told you about earlier in the week, you can go sunning at the beach with access to great chairs and food and you can do some great activities like surfing. Now, the reason my daughter hosted her surfing sleepover is because of two reasons:

1. She had a friend that had never surfed and wanted to and she knows her skills aren't that high that she could competently teach someone
2. She had a really hard time surfing the waves here as they require a different technique that she had not been taught and wanted to learn.

So, after a super fun sleepover, and some discussion as it was cloudy and cold the day we went. The other girls mom was worried that the sea would be too rough and the waves too high. I assured her that if it were looking bad they would cancel the lesson so we would go and just see what happens..she was happy with that and the waves honestly were perfect for learning that day. There were plenty to catch and they had some speed behind them so once you caught one you could keep going a bit!

We started out with a little lunch. Trying to decide what to get....the friend speaks a bit more Dutch than us and we learned that day that "kaas" is cheese...

Then I had this amazing latte...sitting out enjoying it and watching the waves was so relaxing.

After, we walked down to sign in for our surf lesson. It was incredibly windy, but like I had predicted that was perfect for surfing.

First wave surf school is located at an Australian themed beach club. All the instructors are super nice and really knowledgeable. They all speak fantastic English as well ;)

I mean look at that flag whipping in the wind, I cannot even begin to explain how windy it was that day....

Poor kids could not keep their hair out of their face!

Finally the lesson started though, they start with teaching how to get on the board, a little about maneuvering in the waves, and then how to pop up. The technique they taught was slightly different from what my kiddo learned in Hawaii and that is because of how the waves break this particular technique is a bit more efficient.

They took everyone out and they had to carry their own boards. They actually had them carry them in teams of two since it was so windy. They were all losing control of the boards.

The waves don't get very big here...and these were actually "good" according to the guys at the school and I have to admit, they are the biggest waves we had seen here so far. They break fast so you never really ride a wave all the way in...eventually the wave just ends and you can just lay back down and get ready for the next...

You repeat this a lot...it is really exhausting. When the kiddo came in her cheeks were all flushed and pink...

A two hour lesson will do that to ya!

Yeah, you heard me two hours for their age...best deal on the beach. Don't go anywhere else.

Oh yeah, and kite surfing is big here too...hoping to get the husband to try that out with me ;)

After a while another mom and I got really cold and tired of walking up and down the beach so we went and enjoyed some girl time up at the beach club.

A bailey's and coffee was a necessity to get warm again!

These were three super fun trips to the beach and when the winter weather comes in I will remember each and every one of them fondly!

What is the best beach you've ever visited?